Friday, September 19, 2008

Libraries are not monkey friendly.

Our library books were due yesterday. All 23 of them. If I get them there early enough today- they won't charge me. It wouldn't be the end of the world- but at .15 a book- I could buy myself a happy meal or something. I could definitely use one right now. Phillip and Kiera are off of school today. I imagine the teachers get the day off to grade the mountain of homework that I am needed to help with at night. My theory is that if I do a good job at explaining math to Phillip- then he can "help" Kiera, Kiera can help Lily, and so on and so forth. I mean really that is why I had more than one child- right? Distribution of household chores. Because like the good mom I am -I evenly distibute the household chores, do them all myself and nag constantly about no one helping out. But I digress. Library books. due. 23 books. 5 kids. This oughta be fun.

In the antiquated facilities- there are book drops. But they are locked during open hours to force patrons to bring books inside. Phillip needs books to reach his reading goal next week - off we go. We enter the library- and they scatter. The brief to Phillip and Kiera before we left was that we would play zone defense until such situation occurred that required man to man. We talked about holding hands, quiet voices, the whole routine. The "babies" were reminded of their expected behavior. Man to man- NOW! Keola runs to the life size papier mache giraffe- Lily spots the triceratops at the other side of the library. Kiera- stick to Bella- Phillip keep on Keola- Lily hold my hand. Lily snaps to my side- I think she remembers the last time we were asked to leave the library and I sat and cried in the car for 20 minutes before I could drive us home. Phillip is trying to hold Ola's hands and he is squealing and dodging up and down the stacks of books. Bella wants in on the game and sets off after Phillip- Kiera shrugs at me and Lily tries to squirm away from my grip. I haven't even managed to get the books due on the counter- criminy. I tell Phillip to freeze- Bella rams into him and Ola immediately turns around to see where his pursuer went. I grab Bella's hand and Olas and off goes Lily- followed by Phillip. 2 librarians are giggling already. That's how it starts- giggling- oh how cute- now you must leave. My blood pressure is sky rocketing. This was a very bad idea. I finally convince them that they do in fact get to pick out books but we have to go over here and wrangle them up. They go to the secluded kid area and proceed to dance on the stage that has umpteen signs posted that say DO NOT PLAY ON STAGE. Has anyone anywhere who designs this stuff EVER actually seen a child- or spent 2 flipping seconds with one. If they had they would not have put anything that was supposed to be off limits in the child area. Maybe it's just me. Allright. I've had enough. The procession to check the books out went pretty much the same as the initial entry. And I see a class coming in from the school. Yep we must leave. I try to snag a book here and there as I chase the rats through the maze. Lily and Kiera recognize "the look" and stop in their tracks. Phillip is trying to wrangle Ola and I see the youngest librarian heading our way. Lovely. Do you think you could keep them together? One would think I could- but obviously I cannot. I hate being a spectacle. There is an entire class of teenagers giggling and a very agitated teacher glaring at me. We are leaving- I am very sorry. Note to self- next time just pay the fine and kept one last shred of sanity.

No comments: