There are rows of books telling you what to expect and how to help yourself through this harrowing time. Because shortly after the little cretins learn to walk, they become this self centered little bundle of personality and one soon forgets all the trouble one went to of producing this little angel. Apparently the little angels aren't hard wired for self preservation despite what many of the anthropologists tell us. They are Evel Knievel meets Beavis and Butthead. They will scale great heights to jump off. They will touch things that are clearly not meant to be touched- such as fire, or ice, or the brand new flat screen television. They will eat things never meant for consumption such as soap, garbage and poo. And just for the record, the soap does not counteract the ickiness of poo within the digestive tract, quite the opposite really. You will learn that to these miniature humans, bodily functions are very entertaining, especially in public. In many ways they are like having pets with the potential for evolution by adulthood. Due to such probability, it is generally frowned upon to leash, cage, or restrain said creatures. There is also a recent movement that protests the leashing, caging or restraint of any living creature. The solution to all above mentioned problems seems to be the stroller. But I digress.
Last week there was a knock at the door right around dawn. In usual fashion, by the time I got downstairs my little cretins had pulled a chair over and unlocked the upper dead bolt. Like I said, evolution. And there at the door, was our neighbor with the most adorable canine specimen I had ever seen. She found her wandering around our alley and she was late for work, could we take in the pup? Well my pets were jumping up and down chasing their own tails with excitement. Before I had even said goodbye, my eldest female had commandeered the tiny canine and instructed the others to pour a bowl of water and find food for her. By the time I got to the kitchen, there were no less than 3 bowls filled with the finest filtered and bottled waters available. We like to offer our guests variety. Then the discussion began as to what we should call her. As I rescued the poor thing from an interesting game of hot potato between my daughters- my middle child was preparing a bed for the animal and trying to get me to bundle her as a baby. I noticed the puppy was developing a nervous tick and ordered everyone to get dressed so we could get the elder children to school As soon as they left the room, the puppy stretched out on my lap and I discovered she was not a she after all. The girls reappeared declaring they were going to name her Hannah. I explained that she was a he and that he had a name we just didn't know it.
After the elder children were off to school, the girls and I wandered from house to house trying to find the puppy's human. No one had seen him before but just about everyone was ready to keep him. As we returned home, another neighbor was walking by and we stopped to show her our latest find. As we stood chatting- two ladies, 4 houses down come running out and the puppy immediately hurtles to them. They had run an errand first thing this morning and he snuck out. I giggled when the lady told me his name was Susie. I learned that he was adorable, but the effort to keep him safe from smothering by 3 little girls was exhausting. I have a hard enough time keeping them from smothering each other- I'm not ready to throw another animal in the mix.
I asked Phillip to do a cartoon rendering for me of a dog in a stroller and a baby on a leash. A bit heavy on the black, but as Phillip put it- it's a streeeeet. Yeesh. Another one of those fun parental things- molding little minds in your favor.