Today I got a message from my aunt(actually my husband's aunt) imploring me to make time in my busy schedule to check out Oprah. I haven't made time in my crazy life for Oprah in over 11 years. I don't know why today was different. Although I have periodically taken time to peruse her magazine or email her great topics for shows, only once did I hear back. Over 5 years ago, I wrote in to suggest a show focusing on male child abuse victims. And as I went online to look for today's episode that my aunt wanted me to watch(something about the Jackson kids- which I never did see-because) I got sidetracked by multiple videos by male sexual abuse victims debunking the popular theories on sexual abuse. And for once, I think she nailed it. No goodie bag on earth could take away the monsters these men have carried with them and dealt with their entire lives. The best A-ha moment in the world is for people to wake up and realize there is a huge problem. The best way to raise awareness is to reach deep down in those places we don't like to talk about and wrench out what is really going on.
My view is this. When we get rid of acceptability of any kind of abuse regardless of gender, we are taking great strides in making the world a better place. Abuse happens. It is covered up, lied about, and festers as an ugly secret people spend their lives running away from. When victims become suspects and it becomes cheaper to walk away than stand up and fight- we have lost all credibilty in this "system" of justice we propose to have. Abuse knows no age, sex, or race. It is NEVER acceptable for an adult to have relations of any sort of sexual nature with a child under ANY circumstances. EVER. The consentual sex laws may vary from state to state and that is merely words written on paper. When we as a society allow predators, convicted offenders to mingle amongst playgrounds claiming THEIR right to privacy trumps the hope of a poor child victim's RIGHT to an unabused childhood- we are wrong. It should not be tolerated under the name of state, religion, or temporary insanity. Temporary insanity is what a parent experiences the second they find out something like this has happened to their child. The good parents regain consciousness and help their children go on with life in this new found jaded reality of pain, the bad parents enable the cycle and covet the secrecy of lies.
1/4 women will be abused. No one knows the numbers for men, because many won't ever tell. All I know is it's too high. Hug your children. Let them know their body is their own and that you are their greatest ally. Then show them you are. Accidents happen- Abuse is never an accident and it will happen again- unless we each make it a point to not tolerate those who abuse. Stepping off my soap box now.